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I have an ego that does not want to die

Did you have trouble, like I did, unplugging during the summer holidays? Did it take a few days for your brain to accept that it was time for rest? Personally, I had the feeling for at least a week that I was standing on the footrests of a treadmill that I could not turn off.

On this treadmill, all the things I had not completed before leaving, were on a loop. E-mails still showed up in my inbox (do not answer them and you’ll end up with 2000 when you return). Then there were the ideas for articles that jumped to my mind. Quick! I took notes and photos (you will see many on the site in the coming weeks!) So many that my daughter Mila, who was on vacation with me, was exhausted. I said, “But it’s my job, Mila. I can’t help but do it.” Passionate, overwhelmed or obsessed? That is the question.

Celle qui me sort de ma tête et me fait entrer dans mon cœur.

A post shared by Mitsou Gelinas (@mitsougelinas) on

I finally decided to extend my vacation by a few days just to give myself a real two-week long vacation. It helped a lot and I slowly stopped.

It was while relaxing (finally!) that I came across an excerpt from Jerry Seinfeld’s show Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. The man who boasted about talking about nothing in his sitcom, the master of the show about nothing, praises inaction in the episode with comedian Tracy Morgan who complains of having too much on his plate. Seinfeld explains how it is essential to do nothing for things to sort themselves out.

Miss Anticipation

I went into anticipation mode since I became a mom-entrepreneur. The problem is that I anticipate and place all my problems (big and small) at the same level. Would I be able to do nothing today and to free myself from the reflex to settle the glitches before they even happen? If I get there, will I be able to let the kids realize for themselves that they have to feed their cats for them to survive? To ask the question, is to answer it.

My engine is fueled by the fear of not forgetting anything, so I am used to getting ahead of things. Of all things. Personal and professional. This way of doing things is such a part of me that it’s hard to stop it. Even on vacation. Unless…

Unless it’s my ego running the show. That’s what my yoga teacher, Nathalie, revealed to me in my basement between two restorative breaks back in Montreal. Hold on, I’ll try to explain the concept.

To want to do a lot is related to the ego that likes to feel indispensable.

I repeat.

To want to do a lot is related to the ego that likes to feel indispensable.

Wow … Could my brain’s hyperactivity be propelled by my egocentrism?

What a revelation. But how, I asked, do I not become a couch potato when I stop throwing myself into action like a superhero in search of adventure?

According to my teacher, it’s by listening to another voice. The ego should serve the soul. The soul knows how to guide with love, without taking responsibility for the world on its shoulders.

This month, I will try not to stimulate myself with imaginary urgencies of duty, but rather by listening to the deep desires of my soul. It’s not easy when you’re at Bureau en gros doing your last-minute school supply shopping, repeating what to do at work, and asking if the kids fed the cats … But I’ll try to take it slowly, breathe, and put one item at a time in the basket. I will repeat to myself, softly to be able to assimilate it, that the fact of wanting to do a lot is related to the ego that likes to feel indispensable. And why not tell myself instead that I am really indispensable. And that’s exactly why I have to preserve my soul?

To all of you who feel overwhelmed, take care of yourself, one action at a time, breathing through your nose, and sing.

I have an ego that does not want to die…
And that’s my reason to love life…

Happy back to school!

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I have an ego that does not want to die